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October 30, 2007
Candy Hierarchy Challenged
The World's Fair released their Re-defining the Candy Hierarchy today, which I read with glee because if there are two things that I absolutely love in this world, it's candy and organizing things.
The 2007 version of the ranking is by far the most comprehensive, though I have a few beefs with the taxonomies and am curious to see what others think. Here is the hierarchy in brief (you should follow the link above and read it in full, i.e. the **notes, etc.) and my comments:
TOP TIER
(not surprisingly, exclusively chocolate-based)
Milky Way --- Snickers --- Hershey's Kissables --- Peanut M&M's --- Regular M&Ms --- Junior Mints --- Reese's Peanut Butter Cups --- Three Musketeers --- regular old Hershey Bars* --- Twix
SECOND TIER
(also exclusively chocolate, after fending off a few intruders)
Kit-Kat* --- Nestle Crunch --- Mounds --- Tootsie Rolls* --- Whoppers**** --- Dark Chocolate Hershey Bars --- Fair Trade Chocolate --- Butterfinger --- Pay Day
THIRD TIER
(also referred to as the chewy range or, in some circles, the Upper Chewy or Upper Devonian)
Milk Duds --- Benzedrine -- Jolly Ranchers (if a good flavor)** --- 100 Grand Bar --- Almond Joy --- Candy Corn --- Starburst
BOTTOM TIER
(the Lower Chewy and Gummy-Based, also the Middle Crunchy Tart Layer)
Dots --- Lollipops --- Nerds --- Runts --- Trail Mix ---Swedish Fish --- Mary Janes --- Gummy Bears straight up --- White Bread --- Licorice -- Anything from Brach's --- Hard Candy --- Bubble Gum --- Including the Chiclets (but not the erasers) --- Black Jacks --- LemonHeads --- LaffyTaffy --- Good N' Plenty --- Jolly Ranchers (if a bad flavor) --- Bottle Caps --- Smarties --- "those odd marshmallow circus peanut things"***
Tier so low it does not register on our equipment
Healthy Fruit --- Pencils --- Lapel Pins --- Extra Strength Tylenol --- "anonymous brown globs that come in black and orange wrappers" --- Now'n'Laters --- Hugs (actual physical hugs) --- Whole Wheat anything
So first off, I strongly believe that the gummy, hard candy and chocolates should be in separate hierarchies because really, who can pit pure sugar dyed colors against crappy American chocolate? It's not always an issue of candy class- rather, candy type. There are days when I would totally choose a packet of sugar Smarties over a packet of plain M&M's (if you were talking about the everywhere-else-in-the-world kind of Smarties vs. M&M's, I'd still choose the Smarties- better chocolate).
And how darest thou put Nerds at the bottom of the ranking? What a blow to 80's children everywhere. The fact that the Tootsie Roll ranks higher than Nerds is very unsettling to me. TR's (and their ugly cousin the Tootsie Roll Pop) are almost always rock hard and flavorless. You really can't even classify them as chocolate or good candy, let alone a Halloween booty that one would look forward to.
Lastly- and this is digging into my own childhood, which I realize was eons ago, comparatively, and just on the cusp of the "there's a razor in my Mounds fear factor"- the list fails to include popcorn balls, apples, caramel apples, homemade chocolate pops and pennies, all things that I received in my pillowcase on Halloween night and immediately used as projectile weapons (except for the pennies).
What was your favorite candy? For me, it was always a toss up between Snickers, Nerds and Smarties.
Posted by callalillie at October 30, 2007 8:42 AM | Food
, Random
actually our favorite house is the one that gives out "tricks" instead of treats. We hold our breath every year to see what it is -- whole walnuts, sponges, plastic bags of sand and our most favorite -- raw brussel sprouts! Genius!! When my kids are old and gray, that is the house they will remember instead of all the bad candy.
Posted by: jaybee at October 30, 2007 12:40 PM
actually our favorite house is the one that gives out "tricks" instead of treats. We hold our breath every year to see what it is -- whole walnuts, sponges, plastic bags of sand and our most favorite -- raw brussel sprouts! Genius!! When my kids are old and gray, that is the house they will remember instead of all the bad candy.
Posted by: jaybee at October 30, 2007 12:41 PM
whoops -- sorry about the double post
Posted by: jaybee at October 30, 2007 12:42 PM
Peanut M&Ms and Snickers are tied for first place in the chocolate category, with Rockets being the alltime favourite in the candy bit.
Anything Tootsie-related was always danger as was any of the licorice all-sorts. Neither my brother or I liked them, so it was always a mad dash at school the next day to find the sucker that would trade them for..well...anything else.
Posted by: MissMussel at October 30, 2007 1:10 PM
am i reading this right? why is Benzedrine listed? i'm sure some consider it candy, but what is this, a Hubert Selby novel?
also i feel that peanut BUTTER M&Ms are superior to all others.
Posted by: ChrisG at October 30, 2007 1:16 PM
Really? I've always preferred, as the young entrepreneurs on the subway might say, M&M Peanut, mainly because I like the crunch. Somebody needs to make an M&M Cashew.
Posted by: corie at October 30, 2007 1:51 PM
My favorite was the potato chips sticks. Was that what they were called? Potato chip strings maybe? I don't remember, but I only ever saw them at Halloween, and they were the first thing I devoured.
Also anything Little Debbie -- I'm much more of a baked item person than a candy person.
Posted by: mollysusie at October 30, 2007 1:57 PM
SNICKERS! The manna of commercial candies. It's nature's perfect food, encompassing all the required food groups - chocolate, peanuts, and caramel. One could survive a nuclear winter with an adequate supply of Snickers (the name must be capitalized for proper respect).
Every year for the past 10 years we've purchased a nice sized bag of bite-sized Snickers for Halloween treats and every year for the past 10 years no kids have come by to collect them. There's a bag sitting in the pantry as I write this. Can you see me smiling???
Posted by: bobtrancho at October 30, 2007 3:38 PM
reese's cups (top tier)
candy corn (bottomish tier), but I too used to be all about the nerds!
Posted by: rosie at October 30, 2007 4:59 PM
necco wafers.
my favorite part of halloween was sorting all of my candy afterwards, and then eating it all in a very calculating way.
Posted by: beth at October 30, 2007 5:07 PM
Mmmm... Frozen Snickers at the Trancho home of yesteryear. I can almost see Casper climbing up his window/radiator ramp to catch a glimpse of it. And if I remember correctly, the Snickers were even neatly portioned into halves before the onset of the freezing process because (and the real reason may the subject of some debate here) by the time your canines and bicuspids finished knawing away like a pick axes at 1/2 a frozen Snickers your mandible had had just about enough.
Personally, the only American chocolate that I can appreciate is that that is melded in a choco-peanut butter combination. Peanut butter cups, Reeses pieces, Butterfinger bars. That's not to say that other candies don't bring on 80's nostalgia. I remember some candy contraption that included a white dip stick (which was also some candy manifestation) and 3 different colored/flavored sugars in contiguous envelopes. Eseentially, one would lick the stick to moisten it, then dip it in the different sugars and chow down. Smarties, however, were probably my first candy. I would unwrap them, sort them by color, and eat them at set intervals as pretend medicine when I was a toddler. And, come to think of it, I did that yesterday with Dimsum, too. Albeit this time I am The Mommy.
Posted by: Erin at October 30, 2007 8:01 PM
Reese's peanut butter cups are my favorite.
I can't eat anything chewy or hard right now as I had all my wisdom teeth removed last week...
Posted by: Janine at October 31, 2007 10:14 AM
Even American chocolate is yummy if you combine it with nuts of some sort -- peanut M&M, Hershey bar with almonds, Snickers, Baby Ruth. Nut Goodies -- the company headquarters was in Minneapolis, so I don't know if they were distributed nationwide -- have always been a favorite.
Posted by: kmkat at October 31, 2007 8:57 PM
Swedish fish are not in the bottom tier. I lived on them as a kid.
Which, some to think of it, may explain a few things.
www.forgotten-ny.com
Posted by: Kevin Walsh at October 31, 2007 9:10 PM
Always loved Baby Ruth bars, and more new age-y?, but Watchamacalits(sp?)
Posted by: yp at November 1, 2007 9:59 AM
I'm a Snickers girl, with an affection for Three Musketeers and Mounds/Almond Joy. Pretty much anything with chocolate, I will eat. As a kid, I always traded out my Baby Ruths.
Although I agree with what's in the top tier/bottom tier, more or less, I do take issue with the system. Chocolate and non-chocolate should definitely be separate categories.
Posted by: jessmonster at November 1, 2007 5:45 PM
Exactly what kmkat said -- American chocolate is good as long as it's mixed with nuts, and I would include caramel as well. Also, Corie, genius idea about cashew M&Ms. Why have those not been done yet?? That list is totally bogus in so many ways. But then again, I still love a lot of so-called childish candy. It's hard to choose a favorite because sometimes I'm in the mood for chocolate and sometimes for brightly colored, chewy, fruity stuff. However, my all-time fave would have to be Peppermint Patties. Although I really do love Nerds.
Posted by: craige at November 1, 2007 11:05 PM