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November 19, 2004
The Trouble with Gum
Noisy gum chewing can be disgusting. I find it quite unattractive, right up there with sloppy food eaters, loud food chewers, and mouth breathers. There is, however, nothing quite like watching someone chew their Wrigley like a giant wad of cud, smacking and slurping and snapping it until their jaw turns to rubber. When I encounter someone like this on the subway, I usually have to close my eyes, else I be caught staring at them intensely, wondering how someone could possibly make that much noise with their mouth in pubic. Instead, I lower my lids and listen; usually, within five minutes I am semi-conscious.
In my eleventh grade Spanish class, I sat in front of a girl named Kelly. Eleventh grade Spanish held my interest about as much as math class, which I was sleeping through, as well. Tack on a healthy dose of adolescent depression and you get me at sixteen, daydreaming and doodling in my notebook for forty minutes until the bell rang. Kelly did not have much use for eleventh grade Spanish, either (in fact, I think Kelly dropped out that year, or had a kid, or both), and she filled a good chunk of her wasted forty minutes chewing gum. As soon as she popped that Trident into her mouth and began to chew, I was out like a light. I mean dead asleep.
Señora Pearson would pause and ask ¿Masca usted chicle? Si eso es el caso, por favor lo se sienta fuera en la basura puede. Kelly would look up and sigh, give a few loud chews and cease her gum cracking, only to bring them to crescendo moments later once her boredom resurfaced. By that time, my head would be sliding off my palm as I leaned forward on my desk, jerking back every so often as I drifted, drool beginning to pool in the corner of my mouth.
I am not sure what the gum snapping does to shut off my brain so suddenly. One second I am irritated by poor chewing manners, the next I am sucked into the rhythmic cracking of sorbitol bubbles against tongue and teeth. I just cannot stay awake. In fact, on days when I am exhausted and just want to pass out on the F, I sometimes secretly hope that a gum cracker will sit next to me, just to speed the process up a bit. I will admit, while I’m spilling the details of this personal quirk, that I have accidentally missed my subway stop because of a gum chew-induced coma.
In fact, I am writing this from a laptop in one of my office quiet rooms (which isn’t so quiet, but I’ll stop complaining) trying to write up a document that is due dangerously soon. What was my reason for moving into a quiet room, you ask? Someone was cracking their gum loudly in our open space cube farm…and I was falling asleep.
Posted by callalillie at November 19, 2004 6:55 AM | Geek
I'd recommend a Merck product, but considering the current pharmaceutical climate perhaps my commentary will serve as a suitable replacement: You're weird! :-) "No, senor Hall, en espanol." "Si, senora Pearson..."
Posted by: will at November 19, 2004 10:44 AM
Yeah, don't I know it.
I'm having flashbacks to senior year French. Où Guillome est-il? asks Mme. Miller. Hiding in the bathroom smoking, probably...
Posted by: corie at November 19, 2004 10:48 AM
Mais le tabagisme des cigarettes était ma manière de montrer une affinité pour la culture française.
Je suis un bâton de gomme...
Why I jumped the S.S. Pearson for french I'll never know. I think I only got through by batting my eyelashes like a young Jacques Brel.
Posted by: will at November 19, 2004 11:07 AM
Posted by: corie at November 19, 2004 11:11 AM
This is why I took Latin.
well i actually took French as well, but that is a sad, sad story.
Gum cracking. *shudder*
Posted by: Alexis at November 19, 2004 1:05 PM
I always wanted to learn Latin. I hated French. Actually, I hated Spanish, but I really regret not learning to speak it well.
Posted by: corie at November 19, 2004 1:20 PM
Any readers actually LIKE to crack their gum?
I've always wanted to ask them why.
Spill it, the floor is open...
www.forgotten-ny.com
Posted by: Kevin Walsh at November 20, 2004 10:27 AM
I do...in the privacy of my own home :)
Posted by: corie at November 20, 2004 10:32 AM
