Corie: I too am skeptical of psychotropics. I know too much about them. Bullheaded, I usually think, "I can beat this on my own terms." Humbled, now, I've learned it's not easy. For the past several months I've been mired in the severely depressed to the point of freezing up at the slightest stressor. I told this to my neurologist when I asked to be tapered off my Lamictal. (My epilepsy is in remission.)

He refused, relating info on the antiepileptics antidepressive qualities and order me to titrate. Two weeks later I feel much better. So much better, in fact, that I'm going to ask him to increase the dosage further. The med has not changed me. It's cleared my head, allowed me to recognize the dark and see it for what it is: a nuisance. My panic attacks and stress levels have decreased. I am better able deal with things as they come. I am not some drone.

Try the short-term treatment, but remember that means several months, as ADs have a long onset of action. I suggest trying one of the antiepileptics that have been proven to elevate mood and thoughts. Someting like Topamax, Depakote, or Lamictal. They have faster onsets and fewer side effects. Look into SNRIs, too.

Good luck.

I didn't realize that they used antiepileptics for depression. That's interesting. You're right on with the definition of "short term"-- for me, short term has always equalled a year or more. I also dread the potential withdrawal side effects-- when I took Effexor, missing just one day would result in brain shivers and teeth chattering, as though my head was going to explode.

I'm probably going to talk to my dr about it a little further next week. She's pushing Lexapro, which I don't know a whole lot about. None of it excites me in the slightest.

There was once a point in my life where I could embrace the fact that I was nuts (well, an entertaining nuts-- situationally-- not certifiably, at lesast i don't think so) and find a little humor in my prescribed drug taking. Now I greet it with a sense of defeat...if I'm willing to greet it at all. Often times logic (needed medication is not a defeat) conflictd with heart.

um...great picture though...

As a one time short-term Med-taker, my major concern wasn't so much with not taking on the pain head-on (I wasn't ready), but actually what the effects would be on my creative side.

Now I think it has been pretty much determined that this fear is largely a myth and that many creative types have not found their imagination or inspiration necessarily dampened by an attempt to heal one's soul. Of course, the dark side can lead to tons of content (and usually the most dreadful art), but it's all moot if you can't work because of your depression.

I was relieved that during the year and half of medicating that there was very little change in my creative energy or output, however there was also very little change to my psychological stability.

So now I just self-medicate. ;)

Corie, I am impressed with your strength and attitude regarding this hurt. I am sure whatever decision you ultimately make that you will heal with time. Plus, you are surrounded, virtual and not, by friendship, care and love.

*hug

Lexapro is herealded as a wonder drug, but I find that to be a hyperbolic claim. I was on it for a while. Read up on it. lexapro.com, Google search, or the National Library of Medicine online index: pubmed.com for abstracts.

As for the antiepileptics, most of that is off-label use. Trials are currently underway for FDA approval.

Aren't they all heralded as wonder drugs at one point or another?

Last week, my dr asked me what I thought I needed to help me get through the days better. I suggested a partial lobotomy.

i don't like drugs either. however I do think they have their place in the pyschology world. I reccomend my own form of therapy. go out drinking all night long, spend all your money, get really wasted and start calling everyone you know at 4am. that helps me in times of sadness.

hmmm, somehow i think i engaged in that during high school and it got me to where i am today.

hi corie. i also had the same concerns on the dulling of pain, i didn't want to be in some state of non-reality and not deal with what needed to be dealt with, but on the otherhand, there were times that i knew i needed help to make progress. i think for me, it helped to realize that the goal was to move forward, and sometimes i'd need help to get there. i think i left a comment a little while ago about 5-htp and/or tryptophan. tryptophan is an amino acid that your body produces that's linked to serotonin production. if you know of a pharmacist or doctor who also knows a bit about integrative/alternative type medicine it's an avenue that you can consider asking about perhaps. here's a link to harvard med school's consumer health info site on 5-htp http://tinyurl.com/5nezm, here's another link to dr. weil's site http://tinyurl.com/5bhhx. when i've used it under normal conditions, it seemed to help, though it could all have been psychosomatic. i've also used it in the past to recover after a night of rec use of other substances, and i did notice a significant difference in my mood and alertness the following day. it's all very non-scientific, but even with studies on a.d.'s there are so many variables involved, that in my mind, my "study" is just as valid =].

i totally believe anti-depressants put you into a numbed mindset. i mean, isn't that kind of the point? maybe it isn't for everyone, but i have anxiety more prominently than depression (though there is some of that too-- it's quite the fun smorgasbord!), and if my emotions aren't turned off, sometimes i can't breathe- literally. although now i'm ready to feel those emotions again, after some very thorough therapy, the ssri's were exactly what i needed for a time.

Jason-- that's interesting. I'll read up on it a little more (btw, I went to Weil's link first and it read "electroshock treatment"! That put my ears back a bit.

Nicole-- I'm not sure if it's really supposed to numb you...though it does have that effect sometimes. I'm still unclear as to exactly what the medication should do for me-- make things easier to deal with, lessen anxiety, etc. I mean, you want to lessen it, but at the same time those symptoms are manifestations of whatever pain I am feeling, no? So if I am not feeling that pain, am I still dealing with the issue? Maybe that doesn't make sense. As you can probably tell, I'm quite confused.

yeah, sorry didn't mean to alarm you. i forgot to add that his answer included alternatives to e.t., not suggesting that you should have someone put an electric current through your head =].