Ah, to be a Feline | Main | Calla's Q-Cast
August 5, 2003
Happy/Sad/Sweet/Sour
If one can be happy/sad/sweet/sour at the same time, that's how I feel. Life is full of tensions and frictions between youth and age, safety versus change. For the last week I've felt very much on the brink of change...teetering, rocking back and forth on the edge, yet still curling my toes in resistance. This is completely natural when confronted by life changes, big or small. At least it is for me. I'm the queen of "help me/go away" and all things contradictory.
So what is change? There are lots of different kinds. I've been thinking a lot about how some changes, though precipitated by oneself purposely, can feel like they're part of a natural, fast moving progression. This is where I get caught up-- most of the time I have complete control over my decisions, yet once I make them (the big ones), that paralyzing fear sets in and it feels like everything has veered out of control. Hence the curled toes at the tip of the diving board.
So I'm buying an apartment...it seems so little in many ways, yet so big in others. "This is probably one of the biggest decisions of your life," one Dr.S told me yesterday. "Only matched by getting married and/or having children." Thanks Dr.S, that's soothing. Mehhhh.
There are other things that have elicited these push/pull feelings surrounding life change. Work, new challenges. A general feeling that part of my life is moving. Maybe forward, maybe sideways or diagonal. Definitely not backwards, though, which is the direction that I'm used to. Because when I moved backwards, I always knew what I would be working towards once I fell-- where I'd come from! And that felt safe.
Just a little introspectiveness from callalillie....and one last question:
Why is it such a fucking process to buy an apartment in NYC?
Posted by callalillie at August 5, 2003 4:47 PM | Home Improvement
i guess it's more involved here, but isn't it a big process everywhere? you have to do things like get a lawyer and figure out when the closing's supposed to happen, not to mention securing the loan. there's a lot to deal with considering all the people who are involved. so have you actually chosen a place? does it have large windowsills for the cat? this is important.
Posted by: Jimmy Legs at August 6, 2003 12:23 AM
Yes, it probably is a process everywhere. One of the things that really blows my mind here is how much banks expect you to have saved vs. the cost of living in the city. Just like renting, at times, they want you to make a zillion dollars to own or lease something the size of a country bathroom. It makes me think to myself, "If I had a million dollars in the bank, do you really think that I'd be buying a 1B 4th floor walk up?"
As for the apt, yes, I've found something and am now mired in the process of final approvals, etc. And yes, there are nice window sills, and a potential for a window seat, if I ever have enough $ to build one :)
Posted by: callalillie at August 6, 2003 8:58 AM
callalillie I hope this is not platitudinous (if that's a word) but here is a thought from Saint Elmo's Fire Man In Motion:
"Play the game, you know you can't quit until it's won.
Soldier on, only you can do what must be done."
Posted by: ChrisM at August 6, 2003 8:58 AM
But come to think of it, Irving's ass is kind of big. He might have a size issue. But I'm sure he'll find a way to be lazy in the sun.
Posted by: callalillie at August 6, 2003 8:58 AM
ChrisM...that echoes of my paternal guardian's favorite statement:
"That's why they call it life."
Posted by: callalillie at August 6, 2003 9:39 AM
congratulations on getting out of the rent spiral. but there is definitely something suspcious about financial expectations in this city, mostly cuz the market is so skewed here. ever see listings for relatively affordable (mortgage-wise) places that demand "cash only, please"? what's up with that?
as for irving, two words: cat hammock. i look forward to some rubbing-it-in photos of your new place.
Posted by: Jimmy Legs at August 6, 2003 1:35 PM
Hmm. I don't think my cat's coordinated enough for a hammock...but it's worth a shot.
I can't imagine ever having enough money in the bank to pay in complete cash for an apartment. Sigh.
Posted by: Corie at August 7, 2003 10:05 AM
callalillie once all the process is done and you take possession and settle in I believe you will be quite pleased :)
Posted by: ChrisM at August 8, 2003 12:45 PM
